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ε=( ̄。 ̄;)

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Life has been a bit all over the place lately. I think most of the time ive been generally happy, but theres times when Im sitting there alone and I think about things. I think everyone does that, though.

Lastnight I had such a horrible headache.. I woke up in the middle of the night and it was the worst headache I think ive ever had. I managed to somehow choke down pills that helped. But, later in the day I developed cramps, and erggh. Its always just bad the first day, pain wise. But emotionally im a wreck before it starts. Maybe thats why ive been feeling this way moreso.

Friendships. Define a friendship.. I guess its when you are close to someone and feel you can talk to them about just about anything. And you just want to make them happy and be around them as much as possible.. or at least a lot. And of course theres happiness involved, but what if the happiness just starts.. depleting? Unexplainably? Is it really just me thinking this way? You always say it is, but tonight I heard from others that its kinda obvious to them also how you act around me anymore. But whatever, I guess I cant change you. Maybe I have changed too.

Maybe im overanalyzing. I am the girl who makes mountains out of mole hills, right?
Jeez, im so confused and all over. (~ ~;)

Hmmm, well. I had to reschedule my plans with Ryan, but its okay. His mom called today and I got all excited, haha. Gahhhh. Its been so long.. I just want to see him finally. Its been about two months now. I told Ryan I wouldnt get upset everytime I see him, but I just cant help it with how things are sometimes, my emotions build up and tend to explode right infront of him. But I guess Id rather him see my sincerity while im there.. If that makes sense. I just cant explain how badly I just want to hug him. And even not just that, just like.. See him there near me, and speak to him face to face and feel him there. I really just miss that. Ill be so happy once I can expirence that again. Its weird but, when hes right there.. I realize that he actually is mine to have, and not someone elses. And how much he really does care.
I think Ive been so lonely, missing that..

You dont even have to chase me,
Waiting for so long has made me stressed up;
Messed up.

Give me everything Im missing.
Give me deep and soft, sweet kissing.
Touch my skin.
Im giving in youre..

My medicine;
All I want is you to hold and comfort me come on you're my medicine.

I relate too much to Nana for my own good~
I just finished volume eleven and gahhh.(*´ー`)So good. Im such a lame-o, when im reading I gasp and laugh out loud while im reading. I dont know how Ren and Nana's relationship is going in it.. I dont know how id feel about Yasu and Nana together to be honest, but I figured from the looks of things.. It was just going to happen. But I dunno now, damn plot twists. (;゚Д゚)

Ooh, I went to the mall tonight also. I got to see Sonya and Jesse for the first time in sooo long. It made me so happy they could go. I gave Sonya her little random gifts and I think she liked them, even though she didnt flip out a bit like I did when she gave me a present, haha. She made me this guitar pic necklace.. With a black and a white pic with a design she somehow painted on, and two red jewels on the pics. Its such a cute necklace, im going to keep it foreverrrr. (= ̄▽ ̄=)♡ Itll make me happy when im sad and miss my dear friends. She also wrote me a letter professing how much she lubbs me. Hahah, it made me smile. I dont realize how much people appreciate me sometimes.




Today I didnt do much. But I did get to go to my doctor/therapist. I love going to see my therapist, hes just fun to talk to~ I told him about how bored Ive been lately and he told me theres a council that does stuff with art.. Like you can go and do ceramics, or pottery, or paint.. That sounds like fun! I didnt even know that really existed, haha. He also said about a book club.. Well, that theres one around. That seems fun to me. I love to discuss books with people. I also have Japanese Two to look forward to! Thats not until the 23rd though.. (〜 ̄△ ̄)〜 I hope I remember everything I learned until then.

Today I got wonderful newsssss~ (*゚▽゚)/゚
Ryan's parents are okay with me staying over for a few days! Like three days. ^____^-
Its soo cool.. Theyre going to pick me up on their way home from New Hampshire, so my mom also doesnt have to drive me down, shell just have to pick me up that weekend or something. Gahh, we can have so much fun, and Ive always wanted to stay over. I hope we manage to do lots of fun things, and then Ryan can also show me everything he got in Germany. I'll definetly take more videos and pictures, since I always seem to forget to.


(・。・)ノ はーい

I just made a ton of cupcakes for my japanese class. xD Theres more than actually is in the picture.. I really like to bake! >w< Its really fun and easy. My mom just left me the recipe and I managed to make around thirty cupcakes by myself. :3 I ate two reject ones. Theyre yummy~ Unfortunately I have to wait till she gets home to make the icing. I love this cupcake recipe, they are really good. And the icing isnt too sweet, but really good. Theyre the same cupcakes I made for Ryan when he came up, and lasttime I came down. Everyone really liked them a lot, pehe. x3

Awe, its my last Japanese One class! ;A; *sadness* It went by so fast! Im so glad mom and I found a class kinda close(if you consider an hour and a half close xD;). Whats also nifty is that because our class of ten all wants to continue with japanese, the school is going to have Japanese Two as well! :3 Thats cool cause I dont have to wait until next summer to take Japanese Two at a school thats an hour and a half in the opposite direction. xD; My mom is so crazy for driving me these places. oAo;; *lucky*

Well I guess its understandable that she doesnt just let me hop on a plane and go to a state shes never been to, to stay with people shes never seen or talked to. BUT STILL. Damn time/money/location factor always takes the fun out of life. :'c

School is outtttttttt! ;D
Today was a half day, but I wasnt really excited at all that it was the lasttime Id have to see the school till Augustish. I dunno why. D: I guess this year was a roller coaster of weird shit happening, and my emotions were all over the place.. So many good things happened this school year though! >w< <3
I hope next school year is more fun, and im not as.. crazy. I hope I learn to have more fun more easily.. And im not as stressed.

Yesterday I got sooo worried about this summer. That I wont get to do what I want, visit my friends, or do anything fun. But today I realized I shouldnt worry about it. Im sure ill get to do lots of fun things, and visit VA at least a few times. Hopefully Ryan'll get to come up once or twice too. :3 And even so, its not as if the summer is the end of our fun, well still visit eachother during the school year as well. >w<


ばいばい~~ (* ̄▽ ̄)ノ


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Heyooo. :3

THREE MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL! D:< *doesnt include half day on Monday* My math final today was actually pretty easy, it was one hundred multiple choice questions. D: Plus two bonuses, and I think I got the first one right.. Hopefully I got a good grade on it! >w<; School was really boring today as usual. Gakkoo ga kirai~ ;-; Two more years, dfjlakjf.

Me and Eddiefayce were really bored so we decided to meet up afterschool. And of course his parents decided to be douchebags like usual and didnt drive him to my house.. But my mom was nice and was okay with picking him up. (- ^ ^)~ We went up to the mall, and we had fun there. Its really nice to just get out of the house sometimes. We played DDR which I am currently sucking at. Dx If I had DDR at my house I could practice more, I hate having to pay for a game like that. But it is sadly unavoidable. D': Maybe someday if I ever have a PS2 I'll get DDR.. I only have a PS. (oAo;) BUT ANYWAY! So I also got a cookies and cream milkshake cause ive wanted a milkshake for a while~ I lubb milkshakes. <3 Eddie and I also wandered around Waldenbooks for a long while. Theres so many good books I really want to read, but theres just not enough time, money, or space for them all. D: IF ANYONE HAS A GOOD BOOK TO RECOMMEND, PLEASE DO! :3 I also bought Elite Beat Agents for the DS. They had a cheap used copy, so. x3 It seems fun, although I wish it was the japanese song so I could get the nifty songs on it.. like Glamorous Sky! ;w; Maybe ill buy the japanese version sometime if I like the english one. After that my mommy picked us up and she was nice enough to get us italian ice while we were out from the icecream man~ Mmm, mango ice. >w< <3

Bye♪ ヾ('-'*)ヾ(*'ー'*)ノ(*'-') /~ Bye♪

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June 2008